I'm a roleplayer. I'm on the internet. Naturally, sex comes up now and then. One thing I learned from the New Topping Book is that the games people play in real life are nothing like the fantasies spun in a torrid corner of your favorite MMORPG.
The New Topping Book is a brief, carefully written guide on how to be a top, a dominant, a master or mistress in real life without hurting yourself or others. The two authors show experience and love of the dominant/submissive lifestyle in their writing, which is surprisingly tender. There's chapters on why anyone would want to be a dominant and have control over someone and inflict pain, with good answers ranging from surfing the bottom's emotional high to just wanting to 'do it right' after seeing tops not fulfill your wishes, to caring and wanting to act out your lovers dreams. Chapters detail how to be responsible, how the need for open communication and negotiation is so critical. How to start your life as a dominant, how to find others, how performance anxiety can drive you mad, and so much other advice.
Perhaps the best advice is this: you and your partner are doing what the two of you want to do. Don't get caught up in 'who's the best top' and 'if you're not 24/7 you're an amateur' situations. Live the lifestyle you and your partner wish and if others in the community don't respect that, it's not the community for you. Be happy together, explore your limits together, and don't let anyone denigrate or demand you exceed those boundaries.
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